sitting comfortably
gently breathing in, gently breathing out
asking: what is alive in me right now?
shifting attention to the body
becoming aware of sensations
listening quietly, patiently
simply noticing what arises
repeating the question:
what is alive in me right now?
listening deeply, neutrally
to the sensations and feelings that arise
to the aliveness of this moment
a far reaching ponder
has this happened to you…
you find yourself in a situation
were someone is venting their grievances about you
listening to their words your mind gets flustered, defensive, hurt
your inner narration goes something like:
this is not true, they are wrong, they are egotistical, they are behaving badly, their views are petty, stupid…
when, suddenly, you become aware of your judgements of the other person
an unexpected, bright flash of insight
a perception that can greatly alter the flow of conversation
now here is the ponder:
it is not about having better conflict resolution skills
it is not about fixing our mind or behavior
it is simply this:
were you in control of the arrival of this insight?
did you cause it, or will it to be?
or did it just arrive,
by luck, by grace?
do you have agency over it?
could you have controlled its timing?
do you have agency over the arrival of the judgements in your mind?
a far reaching ponder,
which may be useful before the mind’s usual route
into self improvement, or fixing itself
laughter
from belly to eyes it plays
rippling through the body
a wave washing the mind clean
leaving it spent, free of self-seriousness
a marvelous quality
arising by itself
a fractal celebrating living
hide and seek
something happened
that hid the truth
of what you truly are
somehow you got separated
causing you to feel alone
and apart
disconnected
from others, from nature,
from the whole river of aliveness
it is not your fault
it is a misperception
that can be seen through
ask: what maintains
this illusion of a separate identity?
ask: how could i ever be separate
from the "great everything”?
something happened
that hid the truth
of what you truly are
the blue sky
remember as a child
laying in the grass
looking up into the blue sky
nothing to do, nowhere to go
not bored,
just being
the absence of an agenda,
an aim,
yet alert and present
how different the world appears
when relaxed
body, mind, even
attention at ease
just being,
just seeing,
just walking, sitting, listening, speaking …
how do you view the world?
how do you view the world?
as a mystery?
as a battlefield?
as a pleasure garden?
as something needing to be improved upon?
as a dream?
as a world peopled by actors,
playing their parts
having forgotten who, what and where they are
as a world so seemingly real
yet appearing to no-one
as a world of experience playing
in the field of awareness
as limitless peace
lucky to be
the world with its 10,000 forms
is an intoxicating, bewildering experience
the inner world with its 10,000 forms
is an intoxicating, bewildering experience
before agreeing or disagreeing
there is witnessing
neutral, timeless, boundless
wordless witnessing
impulses arrive
inviting us to pause
moving from doing
to beholding
rediscovering stillness
how lucky to be invited
how lucky to be
out of the blue help arrives
when rushing and trying to improve
when habit momentum is strong
out of the blue
help seems to arrive
whispering: you are not
what you think you are
then the mind remembers
its many misperceptions
smiling and with ease
it muses on the follies
of its long years of seeking
until realizing
that what was never lost
can never be found
doing nothing
“sitting quietly, doing nothing
spring arrives
and the grass grows by itself”
quietly, doing nothing
the heart beats
and the body moves by itself
quietly, doing nothing
desires arise
and the body responds by itself
doing nothing
thought comes
and dreams a world by itself
doing nothing
actions arise
by themselves, sans an actor
the peace the mind so longs to find
opening our heart
looking, listening deeply
is there a need for this moment
to be any different than what it is?
is it good enough?
or is there an underlying restlessness
that says: i can’t be at peace until…
… until there are no more wars, no more suffering,
until i am different, until things make sense…
our minds have their
particular conditions
that keep them agitated and
continually seeking for more, different or better
does this very seeking obscure
the peace of this moment?
the peace the mind so longs to find
in this moment, here, now,
there is peace and tenderness
it is not personal,
it is endlessly intimate
discoveries
have you ever sung along to a song
only to discover that for years
you have gotten some of the words wrong?
a misunderstanding, a misperception
revealed itself
what happens next?
how does the mind’s-ear hear
the song after that discovery?
does the mind adopt
the new version of the song,
or does it continue to sing
its old version?
discovery is only the beginning
what happens next
unveils even more
now, maybe for decades
you believed the inner narrator
was your own true voice
then a discovery appeared
that the inner narrator
is only thoughts happening
all by themselves
well now,
that’s a big ass reveal
this discovery is the beginning
to a fascinating unveiling
stay tuned
it’s unfolding
right now
mostly harmless?
recently i was asked the question:
what are your goals for this year?
a simple question,
it sounds harmless
maybe the answer is:
i want to be happier, more secure,
better myself, help humanity,
have better relationships, be worthy of love,
be more spiritual, enlightenment…
yet what is hidden in the goals?
is what is now
not good enough?
believing that reaching the goal
will bring the happily ever after ending
if so the striving begins…
to cross the gap
between what is and what should be
after having played the game
of goal setting countless of times
it becomes clear
that lasting peace and happiness
is not found through more striving
yet, noticing this thinking process,
the virus of “not good enough”
that leads to endless seeking
is a beautiful stepping stone
well then, what’s the answer
to the question?
belonging
what does it feel like to belong?
it feels like comfortable clothes
you forgot you were wearing
it is unselfconscious
no striving, no difference
when breathing do you belong to the air?
does the air belong to you?
there’s only breathing
no air, no you, just breathing
no self-consciousness
about accepting the gift of air
nor worry that the exhale will not be welcomed back
when walking do you belong to the earth?
the earth beneath your feet supports you without question
it never hints that you should change
and do the feet not love the earth
the solid ground?
touching, being touched
there is no conflict
no self-consciousness
no question of superiority
no fear of not good enough
there is acceptance all the way around
so the feet have found belonging
and the lungs have found belonging
and the whole body has found
belonging in the vast living web
the body has never not belonged
was and never is separate
it thrives and plays its part
whether young or old, healthy or sick, it belongs
now, what about shame?
what about guilt?
what about rage?
they too belong
like all the colors and all the sounds
these curious emotions
are part of the living web
or would you rather cut them out?
separate them from the whole?
is insight vast enough to say:
“shame, guilt, rage - you i shall cast out.
you do not belong.”
consider how great your mind is at playing chess
then multiply the moves by infinity…
can the mind think through all the permutations
of what would happen if it begins excluding this or that
from the harmonious workings of the living web
tough question isn’t it?
but mind doesn’t like facing infinity for long,
doesn’t like feeling out of control
at the edge of uncertainty…
so it keeps practicing:
separating life into good and bad,
into “this i accept and that will have to change
before it can get my approval”
it keeps practicing all the conditions it has
for others to belong, for life to be as it is
oh foolish, self-important, self-righteous mind
don’t worry about how others play the game
how they cut and separate
you have a much more immediate field of dreams…
like it or not
you belong, as you are
they belong, as they are
nothing and no one is separate
it’s all quite perfect as it is
bringing ease to body and mind
a little check in…
are you comfortable?
how is the body
feeling right now?
would it welcome
more ease?
if so, allow the body to find
a more comfortable posture
maybe a small shift,
a deep breath, a little stretch…
even a smile can help
bring relaxation to the body
and the mind
is it comfortable?
would it welcome
some loving attention?
maybe a ray of gratitude?
what would help the mind
feel more spacious and at ease?
maybe it begins by asking:
mind would you enjoy a pause?
body would you like to relax?
bringing a little ease
to body and mind
awareness and experience
it’s easy for the mind
to get bedazzled and lost
by the constant change of scenery
our senses experience
in this palace of forms
and movements
where appearances differ
yet are never separate
tuning inward now
beyond the senses
drawing nearer
to yourself
becoming aware
of awareness
to the knowing beyond words,
where stillness shines out of the void
believing
where does belief live?
what does the believing?
it seems that believing
is agreeing with a story
that the mind has been told
and then continues to retell to itself
i used to believe in Santa Claus,
maybe you did too?
for the four year old girl Santa Claus was real,
a few years later Santa Claus no longer existed
poof!
when is a belief outgrown?
is it when experience disproves belief?
seeing dad step out of a Santa suit can do that
or because peers, mentors and media tell the mind otherwise?
or because reason says: this story isn’t adding up anymore?
beliefs come and go
even the most treasured beliefs are subject to change
does the mind currently believe in an afterlife?
does it believe in ghosts? in god? in yeti?
does the mind believe in happy endings?
in free will?
in soul? in spirit?
in the infallibility of the senses?
in the “Big Bang” as the creation theory of everything?
does the mind believe it is right during an argument?
only to realize that its belief of rightness was based on a misperception?
Oops! what happens to the certainty of belief then?
mind has been conditioned to believe
to believe what it’s been told
to outsource its reasoning to experts
mind has learned to accept
the thoughts, ideas, views, ideals, beliefs it experiences without much questioning
mind likes to feel comforted, comfortable and certain
mind has learned not to ask too many questions of itself
proving or disproving a belief is laborious
so beliefs can stay in place unquestioned
like a king, ruling with unchecked authority,
beliefs hold vast influence and power in the mind
what does the mind really want:
belief or truth?
usually both,
but then it’s hard to have your cake and eat it too
is the mind willing let go of all it thinks it knows and begin again
demanding of itself to answer:
what is true?
play along
please play along,
what is present right now?
attention scans about
and becomes aware
of something
hurray for attention
it discovers without fail
something
some experience,
a body sensation maybe,
a sound, a feeling …
could be anything
attention pauses
and moves on
to the next experience
free and smooth
looking closer
what can be noticed?
often the mind narrates
the experience to itself:
“oh, this tastes good, it’s better than yesterday, i like it…”
in endless variations
the mind compares,
likes and dislikes,
judges from its banks of memory
often the narration
becomes more important
than the freshness of the present moment
attention is placed on narration
no longer listening to what is
the moment becomes veiled by words
by comparisons, likes and dislikes,
assumptions, expectations, beliefs…
imagine your lover would greet you like this
never seeing you as you are
right now
only a veiled version,
their historic version of you
being with, listening,
accepting without commentary,
without boredom,
seems to be quite difficult
a simple wish
may you walk in beauty
through day and night
may your mind be still
and your heart be light
may you walk in beauty
playful like a child
pondering forgiveness
i may wish
to forgive
i may wish
to feel forgiven
i may be unable
to forgive,
or feel forgiven
i may expect forgiveness
to come easily
i notice impatience causes
pressures in body and mind
looking deeper, it seems
that forgiving happens
in its own time
not conforming to
my desires and expectations
it’s a new notion,
that the dynamics of forgiveness
are out of my control
what if
what if right now
is a perfect moment?
what if right now
nothing needs to change?
what would it be like
to simply
let this experience
be as it is
just for
this moment?
what if right now
is a perfect moment?
