long years of searching

long have i searched for peace

when young, looking at a world in turmoil,
i believed politics and working for social change
would be the answer to lasting peace

discouraged and disheartened
i looked for peace in far off places, maybe
peace lived on an island or mountain top?

then i tried finding peace in religion, in
traditions, in holy words, in secret, sacred knowledge

still peace remained illusive
i wondered: would peace come with a soulmate,
in a deep relationship?

no object, no level of comfort,
no insurance policy would free the mind
from worry and discontent

maybe peace would come with
a dedicated spiritual practice?

or maybe if i finally acted in ways
that were socially acceptable
peace would be with me…

phew!
long years of searching
far and wide, mostly outward bound

slowly mind turned inward
and began looking for peace within

where it found a wonderland
of inner processes

meeting constant change in
strong and stormy emotions,
tides of desires,
shapeshifting, fragmented thoughts,
and presumed certainties

mind observed
that the core of unease and striving
was within itself!

simultaneously reemerged,
without any striving,
a wordless knowing
of ever-present peace

trusting

why so serious?
do you control the universe?

while the wondrous play
of life is unfolding

the mind continues to slog
through a fog of forgetting

mistaking its thoughts
for the true self

“don’t do it, let it be done”
the mystics have counseled

see how yielding stacks up
to the habit of striving to
control the outcome

under the influence

there are many gates
you have traveled through

your journey unique
and worthy of contemplation

string your pearls of wisdom,
of marvel and deep connection

that aided in gentling
your heart

recall insights and how
they arrived out of the blue

your mind flowering
under the influence of grace

what gates are opening now
welcoming your arrival

humbled and amazed

the question of
free will
had been decided

the mind made up
like a bed, comfortable
with itself

now cracks appear
in this once great certainty
of self-governance

humbled by the observation
that decisions made
on an empty belly
are not the same
as those of a full one

amazed
at the influence
of genetics,
the sway of hormones,
of cultural conditionings
and those pesky habits
that tag along each day

what remains
when they are all
set aside?

what is left?

what then governs the flow
of actions, emotions
and thoughts?

entering the palace of wonder,
the vast space of not knowing
is enlivening
to the mind that used to crave
and cling to certainty

waking up

in the monotony
of daily routines

it’s easy to forget
that life in human form

is short
and uncertain

what will matter
in a hundred years?

letting the seasons be
as they are takes courage

may the mind free itself
of misperceptions

and look with compassion
upon its current limitations

unconcerned with the faults
of others, it turns towards
the inner art of waking up

getting to know you

getting to know
the quiet hour

when stillness is near
when the eyes see

and the mind
sees beauty

when the ears hear
and the mind hears harmonies

how fleeting, how subtle,
how marvelous

this mystery
of living

the heart
overflows

i can not force
these moments

they come
in their own time

realizing this
the mind eases
into not minding

the loving pause

sometimes i miss
the split second

that avoids the unkind word
being thought, or spoken

and my communication
gets troubled

if this happens
i try to remember
the loving pause

then i feel and say
something like this:

i really want to
work this out with you

i am unable to be
present right now

i love you

is it okay to take some time
to connect with myself

so that i can be
more present with you?

this is practicing peace
in thought and word

reconnecting

after a while away
from myself

i long to reconnect
to the sweetness of living

it’s not far,
nor difficult

the child
in me remembers

how wonderful
it is

when bare feet and hands
touch the land intently

how the wind offers
freshness and hints of freedom

connecting with the elements
before fixed ideas can crowd in

finding
myself

interwoven in
the river of life

inner adventure

mindfulness
requires attention

at first this is an idea
later it becomes an insight

and the question pops up:
so what the heck is attention?

what attracts it?
what sustains it?

does attention ever tire,
or just move from place to place?

how soft can attention be?
how narrow, how broad?

i want to find out!
gently, persistently

again life invites me
on another great
inner adventure

no feeling is final

what if things change?

quietly or quickly
they always do

what if i embrace this
truth wholeheartedly?

that there is nothing
to hold on to

that living
is witnessing

the movement of
flowering and fading away

of breath, cells and
thoughts

that no feeling
is final

how light living can be
when the mind

is a welcoming space
for the living flow

stay tuned

with weekly free musings

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