pondering forgiveness

i may wish
to forgive

i may wish
to feel forgiven

i may be unable
to forgive,
or feel forgiven

i may expect forgiveness
to come easily

i notice impatience causes
pressures in body and mind

looking deeper, it seems
that forgiving happens
in its own time

not conforming to
my desires and expectations

it’s a new notion,
that the dynamics of forgiveness
are out of my control