believing

where does belief live?
what does the believing?

it seems that believing
is agreeing with a story
that the mind has been told
and then continues to retell to itself

i used to believe in Santa Claus,
maybe you did too?
for the four year old girl Santa Claus was real,
a few years later Santa Claus no longer existed
poof!

when is a belief outgrown?
is it when experience disproves belief?
seeing dad step out of a Santa suit can do that
or because peers, mentors and media tell the mind otherwise?
or because reason says: this story isn’t adding up anymore?

beliefs come and go

even the most treasured beliefs are subject to change

does the mind currently believe in an afterlife?
does it believe in ghosts? in god? in yeti?
does the mind believe in happy endings?
in free will?
in soul? in spirit?
in the infallibility of the senses?
in the “Big Bang” as the creation theory of everything?

does the mind believe it is right during an argument?
only to realize that its belief of rightness was based on a misperception?
Oops! what happens to the certainty of belief then?

mind has been conditioned to believe
to believe what it’s been told
to outsource its reasoning to experts

mind has learned to accept
the thoughts, ideas, views, ideals, beliefs it experiences without much questioning

mind likes to feel comforted, comfortable and certain
mind has learned not to ask too many questions of itself

proving or disproving a belief is laborious
so beliefs can stay in place unquestioned

like a king, ruling with unchecked authority,
beliefs hold vast influence and power in the mind

what does the mind really want:
belief or truth?
usually both,
but then it’s hard to have your cake and eat it too

is the mind willing let go of all it thinks it knows and begin again
demanding of itself to answer:
what is true?

play along

please play along,
what is present right now?

attention scans about
and becomes aware
of something

hurray for attention
it discovers without fail
something

some experience,
a body sensation maybe,
a sound, a feeling …
could be anything

attention pauses
and moves on
to the next experience
free and smooth

looking closer
what can be noticed?

often the mind narrates
the experience to itself:
“oh, this tastes good, it’s better than yesterday, i like it…”
in endless variations

the mind compares,
likes and dislikes,
judges from its banks of memory

often the narration
becomes more important
than the freshness of the present moment

attention is placed on narration
no longer listening to what is

the moment becomes veiled by words
by comparisons, likes and dislikes,
assumptions, expectations, beliefs…

imagine your lover would greet you like this
never seeing you as you are
right now
only a veiled version,
their historic version of you 

being with, listening,
accepting without commentary,
without boredom,
seems to be quite difficult

pondering forgiveness

i may wish
to forgive

i may wish
to feel forgiven

i may be unable
to forgive,
or feel forgiven

i may expect forgiveness
to come easily

i notice impatience causes
pressures in body and mind

looking deeper, it seems
that forgiving happens
in its own time

not conforming to
my desires and expectations

it’s a new notion,
that the dynamics of forgiveness
are out of my control

mindfulness

mindfulness
effortlessly
observing

flowing
energy

noticing sound, breath,
the flight of a bird,
the gesture of a hand,
a thought, trees, the atmosphere
in the room, an emotion,
the changing light…

simply witnessing
what is present

without trying
to change it

living is vibrant,
intimate
when the mind is still

the fog clears

years of conditioning
has created a filter

affecting how the world is seen,
how response to stimuli is expressed

this filter, this smudge on the lens
is unique to each of us

it is impersonal, yet viewed
as highly personal

you didn’t choose it,
neither did anyone else

it happened
and continues to happen

the mind may balk at this,
fret, sulk, put up a fight

until it yields
and the fog clears

cherish the season

what’s in season right now
as you look into nature

here, in the pacific northwest
it is rain, fog and gusty winds

creeks and rivers are full again
the birds, fish and animals

all flowing harmoniously
with the rhythm of the season

and the movements of humankind
follow their patterns too

no difference, we all belong
to the web of life

what’s in season
in your body and mind?

the body following
its patterns

the mind responding
according to its conditioning

what’s in season
in this brilliant never here before,
never here again breath?

with this lens
living is ephemeral,

emerging, impersonal
and deeply intimate

cherish the season
of now

what do you see

what do you see
in the picture?

where are your eyes drawn?
where does attention linger?

on the birds?
on the emptiness of the sky?

has your mind already
told itself a story about it?

maybe a recognition,
a flash of memory,
a like, or dislike

it happens so fast
doesn’t it
the commentary on
the feast in each moment

spontaneously
each movement arises
then fades from view

all appearing
on the backdrop
of stillness

beneath each sense impression
beneath each thought
stillness abounds

long years of searching

long have i searched for peace

when young, looking at a world in turmoil,
i believed politics and working for social change
would be the answer to lasting peace

discouraged and disheartened
i looked for peace in far off places, maybe
peace lived on an island or mountain top?

then i tried finding peace in religion, in
traditions, in holy words, in secret, sacred knowledge

still peace remained illusive
i wondered: would peace come with a soulmate,
in a deep relationship?

no object, no level of comfort,
no insurance policy would free the mind
from worry and discontent

maybe peace would come with
a dedicated spiritual practice?

or maybe if i finally acted in ways
that were socially acceptable
peace would be with me…

phew!
long years of searching
far and wide, mostly outward bound

slowly mind turned inward
and began looking for peace within

where it found a wonderland
of inner processes

meeting constant change in
strong and stormy emotions,
tides of desires,
shapeshifting, fragmented thoughts,
and presumed certainties

mind observed
that the core of unease and striving
was within itself!

simultaneously reemerged,
without any striving,
a wordless knowing
of ever-present peace

trusting

why so serious?
do you control the universe?

while the wondrous play
of life is unfolding

the mind continues to slog
through a fog of forgetting

mistaking its thoughts
for the true self

“don’t do it, let it be done”
the mystics have counseled

see how yielding stacks up
to the habit of striving to
control the outcome

under the influence

there are many gates
you have traveled through

your journey unique
and worthy of contemplation

string your pearls of wisdom,
of marvel and deep connection

that aided in gentling
your heart

recall insights and how
they arrived out of the blue

your mind flowering
under the influence of grace

what gates are opening now
welcoming your arrival

humbled and amazed

the question of
free will
had been decided

the mind made up
like a bed, comfortable
with itself

now cracks appear
in this once great certainty
of self-governance

humbled by the observation
that decisions made
on an empty belly
are not the same
as those of a full one

amazed
at the influence
of genetics,
the sway of hormones,
of cultural conditionings
and those pesky habits
that tag along each day

what remains
when they are all
set aside?

what is left?

what then governs the flow
of actions, emotions
and thoughts?

entering the palace of wonder,
the vast space of not knowing
is enlivening
to the mind that used to crave
and cling to certainty

stay tuned

with weekly free musings

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